The New Life Milestones

“Faj, when abundance of happiness strikes your life, find any way to share them with people inside and outside your circle. Because shared felicity would double its natural healing effect. Writings, photographs, drawings, conversations, anything would work!” – A Good Friend I Met in Brazil.

     With the basis of that very thoughtful wisdom from a good friend, I am here to share certain happiness I have encountered recently in my very ordinary life. Interpreting this as a showing-off attempt of a realistic attention-seeker is your call. My call is that I earned all this happiness with all my sweats and by sharing it here I’m having a good expectation to inspire my loved ones not to give up easily, but more into persistently maintaining their perseverance at achieving their ultimate goals of life. So ladies and gentlemen, I present you, my recent milestones of life!

1. My very first almost-four-flat GPA.

        Throughout most of the previous semesters of my uni life, the appearances of B(s) or C(s) in my examination results were always there. They said it's normal here in UM, being first ranked uni in Malaysia, it demands extraordinary performance from the students. They said if you can score above 3.30 out of 4.00, you are considered as above-average students. They said due to its extremely high standard, getting 3.50 in UM can be equalized as getting four-flat in other universities throughout the country. I simply don't believe in all those myths. There must have been something wrong with the way I study. Almost gave up trying to find my way back to become a first-class student, I've found the answer last semester. I was so proud of this particular academic achievement. Especially after mentally-suffered from final year thesis project. Huge pressure, pretty tough times. My hard works were being paid off so well at the end. I won the battle :')

2. Internship experience with UMCARES.

         University of Malaya Environmental Secretariat was established 5 years ago. It's a great campus-wide environmental initiative and I have participated as a volunteer in a few of its programs since I entered uni life. This year, I had to do a 2-month long industrial training program as a requirement to finish my undergraduate studies and UMCARES agreed to have me as one of their interns. It was really such a fruitful practical experience. I met inspiring environmentalists, worked with remarkable supervisor and colleagues, made good friends with other interns, and experienced a conducive-yet-highly-educating working atmosphere. Oh, not to mention that I earned some money, too! :D But the most important thing is the fact that I finally came to realize that I've been very busy finding international platforms to create big changes, forgetting the fact that I have so many of them in my own backyard. I've been completely ignoring the "think globally, act locally" principle! It was indeed a milestone of life after all (and a slap in the face, too). Please kindly like UMCARES facebook page here!

3. Visiting Europe and performing in the United Nations Assembly Hall.

        Yes, visiting Europe was always on my things-to-do-before-I-die list. But man, it never crossed my mind that I would ever step my feet on the United Nations headquarter. It was all started with me daring myself to join global audition to be one of the international core casts for a musical performance entitled "2050 - The Future We Want" organized by Peace Child International and Green Cross International. Long story short, they were apparently impressed by my performance video and CV that I made it to the top 70, went through online interview session and  finally made it to the top 25 of all applicants coming from all over the world.

       Yes, it was unbelievable! I flew to Geneva in the middle of last August, met many important people, worked with unbelievably talented young people from many different countries, being the only Southeast Asian of the force promoting the global youth voice, environmental sustainability and world peace through a platform that suits me so well: Performing Arts! Oh, two of my biggest dreams also came into realities: I went to Paris and kinda created a beautiful family filled with people whose different races, beliefs, and skin colors. I'm definitely gonna write about them later on. It was indeed the greatest 25 days I have ever had in my life! I learned so many life lessons that I could write a book based only on the experience. Hahaha. Anyway, if you wish to watch our performance, please click here and here to see all the pictures taken during that prestigious event :)

President of Green Cross International, Alexander Likhotal (in the middle of the bunch) with international musical core casts coming from all over the world and David Woolcombe, the director.

4. Featuring in a local media.

  
   It's another slap in the face, really. I had been featured in a local media for a few times before, but it's a slightly different case this time. When I was invited to be interviewed by the media, all I expected is another small article about a young high-achiever on a small corner of the last page of the newspaper. But when my cousin tagged me the article on FB, I was crying like "No, this is not happening! Not a full page of my story! Not in the effin' "Inspiring People" section!" 
  
  Yes, I totally appreciate the way they recognized my achievement, but I don't think I'm already deserved to be publicly acknowledged as an inspiring person. I'm pretty sure I am not mentally ready to be a good role model yet. Nonetheless, I could do nothing about it. Me trying to be positive believes that it is what you get when your hard efforts are being highly appreciated by the society: Popularity. Haha. But never expect me to let the society defines who I am. Naah. I'm simply gonna be myself, with all big dreams I am trying to reach on top of all obnoxious weaknesses I might have to offer the world.

5. Graduating from Young Leaders for Indonesia 2013 Leadership Program.

   Young Leaders for Indonesia (YLI) is one of the most prestigious leadership programs in Indonesia initiated by a world-class management consulting firm, McKinsey & Company. I was named as one of Top 60 successful participants of this year's batch six months ago, after a competitive selection processes with hundreds of other applicants coming from all over Indonesia and overseas. It's a full scholarship worth USD 1500 in the form of 6-month long leadership training series where all 60 of us had to attend 3 leadership forums every 2 months, filled with most inspiring Indonesian leaders as keynote speakers (e.g Anies Baswedan, Basuki 'Ahok' Tjahaja Purnama, Sandiaga Uno, Handry Satriago, you name it), provided with leadership workshops and learning sessions, and also conducted individual leadership project and group project in between the forums.

   I would say it was the most fruitful experience throughout my entire leadership journey so far. I went through both motivating and demotivating turning points a lot, those almost-gave-up and my-spirit-is-burned moments, and well-equipped with a lot of new lessons and softskills on how to be a good future leader for myself and for the nation. Not to mention the connections and friendships made with the other 59 inspiring young leaders of Indonesia. Ah, I was so grateful to gain such an experience :') I have graduated from the program last week and am now officially a proud YLI alumnus! I highly recommend you all Indonesian future leaders to give it a try next year!

6. Keep covering songs and posting them on Youtube and SoundCloud.

     I was told that one of the habits of highly effective people is that they focus on the things they naturally do well - to remind themselves of their talents and strengths and to overcome discouragement. Thus, I've been keeping this not-so-humble activity as regular as possible. I seriously don't care anymore about how many views and comments I get, or how many people like and dislike my covered songs. All I care is this peculiar hobby helps me a lot to stay positive whenever I'm living in a cloud and everything seems pointless and negative. So yeah, the followings are the four most recent covered songs I've posted on my Youtube Channel and SoundCloud Account :)

     Well, that's practically all happiness I need to share this time. I always keep reminding myself that every single of it started with a dream and none of my dreams are unachievable as long as I am willing to put my hardest efforts to make them into realities. After all, life is a revolving arena. When you are up, prepare yourself to go down. When you are down, take a short break and fight back to reach the top again as soon as possible, as hard as you can. So, that's how my story of happiness goes, keen on sharing me yours? ;)

Kuala Lumpur, 28 September 2013, 5:00 am in the morning.


Fajri Usman    

Bachelor's Thesis vs. Germany Trip

The so-called Bachelor's Thesis

I was motionlessly staring at the ceiling of the building, glancing awhile at the empty air, then staring back at the ceiling. Smiling from ear to ear, then frowning like one of  the guys from that Grumpy Old Men film for a moment, then smiling as widely as before again, then continued my thoughtful frowning back again.

That fatuous moment happened for almost half an hour. I was drowning in a deep reflective contemplation.

I have just submitted my bachelor's thesis earlier and simultaneously decided to give up all efforts to make it to Germany next week for an international student event in which I have luckily got selected among thousands of people to attend.

Those mixed feelings I have not been experienced for so long have eventually filled up the heart again. Those feelings which arise when the overwhelming relief and sadness choose your life as their meeting point. I'm sad and relieved at the same time. I'm 'slieved'! (don't bother to check the dictionary, it's my own vocabulary).

I'm relieved because such an energy-consuming and mental-excruciating anguish has finally come to its end. I'm sad because I over-estimated my capacity, overly confident that I could manage my time to succeed  in both my academic and non-academic undertakings throughout this particular semester. It seemed like I am winning the battle at the beginning, but I'm not. In fact, I'm completely losing it without even having the slightest realization about it. The bachelor's thesis won the battle alone.

Another thing is submitting my bachelor's thesis doesn't mean I'll be graduating this year. I'm still gonna have internship and some compulsory subjects to be taken in one (hopefully the last) whole semester. The fact that my campus has changed the minimum study duration up to 7 semesters made the feelings even worse. The suffer shall continue, soldier.

But wait, cancelling my trip to Germany this time doesn't mean my seemingly-impossible dream to visit another European country wouldn't come into reality this year, right? Having one more semester to be accomplished could also mean I'm actually granted an extension of time to achieve what I have not been able to achieve yet, couldn't it? The other bright side is I finally came to realize how I have got much better at prioritizing things now.

That's it. I'm being given a longer time to improve my CGPA so that I could go to my dream universities for my further studies. A longer period to look for scholarships to step my feet on the famously breathtaking land of Europe. Another chance to right my wrongs, to achieve the ultimate goals of my life. For that, I shall not lose my faith. For that, these mixed feelings shall be remedied before they generate more severe wounds.

That's it. I saw this wrongly before. God is actually granting me another opportunities. Chances that I should never ignore.

Yes, that's right, I'm still winning this battle.

The dejected gentleman who is still continuing his struggle to win the battle.

"Doa untuk Maya"

Namanya Maya Uspasari dan tulisan ini bukanlah sebuah cerpen ataupun surat cinta.

Maya adalah seorang wanita penuh akurasi dan presisi yang terkadang agak sulit mengendalikan emosi. Meskipun dianugerahi kecantikan hati dan fisik diatas rata-rata oleh Tuhan, arogansi tidak pernah ada dalam kamusnya. Ia terlatih untuk selalu menjunjung tinggi independensi dan mengedepankan transparansi sejak kecil. Tipikal anak sulung.

Jarak umur kami sepuluh tahun. Kami tumbuh dirumah yang sama, dibesarkan oleh orang-orang hebat yang sama. Bedanya, aku tumbuh sebagai bungsu yang selalu mengincar superioritas sedangkan ia tumbuh sebagai sulung yang seringkali terpaksa menjadi inferior demi adik-adiknya.

Physical features kami begitu serupa. Tak jarang orang-orang berasumsi bahwa aku ini versi laki-lakinya dan dia adalah versi perempuanku. Aku memanggilnya Ayuk, panggilan paling mainstream untuk kakak perempuan di kampung kami dan beberapa daerah di southern Sumatra.

Ya, Maya terlahir sebagai kakak sulung dan saudara perempuanku satu-satunya. Perempuan kurang beruntung yang sudah terjebak diduniaku selama lebih dari 20 tahun. Kasihan. (Hahaha)

Entah tanpa disadarinya atau tidak, ia selalu menjadi role model bagi dua adik laki-lakinya. Dari hal yang paling superfisial seperti gaya tersenyum, tulisan tangan, sense of humor, sikap sewaktu membaca, dan memandang lawan bicara sampai hal-hal yang sangat profound seperti cara menyelesaikan masalah, mengutarakan argumentasi, dan mendemonstrasikan afeksi terhadap orang-orang yang dicintainya. Mungkin tanpa mencontoh tingkah polahnya, aku sekarang masih akan menjadi seorang introvert yang bahkan tidak punya nyali untuk sekedar bersosialisasi dengan sepupu-sepupu terdekat.

Kedekatan kami sangat eksesif. Waktu kecil, aku tidak bisa berhenti menangis berhari-hari dipelukan ibu saat ia harus meninggalkan kampung halaman untuk melanjutkan studinya. Aku merasa sangat cemburu saat ia menemukan pendamping hidupnya dan mengakhiri masa lajangnya. Aku menangis bahagia sembunyi-sembunyi saat ia dianugerahi Allah anak pertamanya. Aku tidak bisa tidur waktu ia dan kedua keponakan kecilku harus menempuh perjalanan berjam-jam, menyusul suaminya yang diberi kesempatan untuk berguru ke negeri kangguru. Entah bertepuk sebelah tangan atau tidak, tapi kecintaanku terhadap wanita satu ini levelnya infinity. Limitless. Tak terbatas, tak mengenal horizon.

Seperti saudara-saudara kandung pada umumnya, we don't always wear the same shoes and travel in the same boat. Kami berselisih paham. Kami bertengkar. Menurutku ia terkadang terlalu berpihak pada spontanitas, menurutnya aku berusaha terlalu keras untuk menjadi seorang visioner. Menurutku sikap dan pola pikirnya terkadang kelewat konservatif, menurutnya aku seringkali salah dalam menginterpretasi dan mengimplementasi istilah liberalism dan open-mindedness. Menurutku ia kadang kurang sensitif, menurutnya tingkat sensitifitasku sering diatas kewajaran.

Tapi untungnya, kami selalu berhasil menemukan cara mediasi yang tepat saat emotional disputes tersebut mulai naik ke permukaan. Mungkin karena kami berdua sangat paham bahwa being siblings maknanya tidak jauh berbeda dengan interdependensi emosional. Kami akan selalu saling membutuhkan dan mencintai satu sama lain sampai kapanpun. Sejak kepergian Ibu, Maya selalu menempati posisi teratas dalam daftar VVIW (Very Very Important Woman) di hidupku.

Hari ini Maya genap berumur 32 tahun dan tulisan ini sebenarnya sudah rampung sejak pekan lalu.

Doa-doa indah untuknya kukirim setiap hari kepadaNya. Semoga Maya tambah cantik hati dan parasnya, semoga ia  dan keluarga kecilnya senantiasa diberi kemudahan serta kemurahan rezeki, semoga impian-impiannya dalam hidup bisa segera tercapai, semoga keras kepala dan nafsu makannya cepat berkurang, dll. Namun, di hari spesialnya ini, aku hanya mengirimkan satu doa untuk Maya kepada Tuhan. Satu doa yang kukirim dengan intensitas yang lebih tinggi dari biasanya.

"Semoga dalam rentang waktu satu tahun kedepan, sosok Maya dalam hidupku dan ayahku tidak akan berubah sama sekali. Senantiasa indah dan sederhana seperti sekarang. Semoga dengan jarak dan waktu yang memisahkan kami, batin kami akan selalu dekat  dan semakin merapat"

As simple as that. 

Selamat Ulang Tahun, Yuk! I love you so much!

Quick Updates!

Hello, abandoned journal! Just wanna post some quick updates this time. I promise to write more here once I've finished all my thesis businesses, the deadline is getting closer and I've been performing such a snail progress so far >..<  So yeap, bottles of luck are utterly needed here! Countless of unfortunate events have been showing their asses lately, but so did the fortunate ones :) Lemme share the great ones for the sake of helping me to get the negativity riddance:

1. Older Interest: Applying for International Youth Empowerment Events.

I am always known as one of those youth conference mafia of the town. I couldn't help it, the global competition to get selected as delegate of your country is just so addictive. Once you got it, you would crave for some more. When you failed, it always taught you not to give up easily and keep doing more trials. As you can see below, there are three prestigious events I've got selected to attend lately. I want to go so bad, yet some academic and financial constraints are still blocking my way. Nonetheless, it's not Fajri Usman if he won't fight hard to reach his dreams. May Allah ease my way..

ISWI, Young Leaders for Indonesia, UN Musical in UN Headquarter. Would be insanely amazing experiences!

2. Newer Interest: Making Covers on Youtube.

I was told that singing and performing arts have always been my biggest passions since I was a fetus. However, I have never thought that my singing is particularly good until tonnes of friends convinced me in so many ways (mostly harsh and mean) about it. So yeah, I've decided to start going public and joining the new normal: posting your singing in online medium, regardless of your skill level. Some are really horrible at doing it, but I respect their courage a lot. So yeah, below are the first four covers I've made so far. I don't care what people think about them, it's the happiness generated when I created them that only matters :)

That's all for now. Lemme close this post with a quotation I really loved yet I've forgot who said it: "If you want people to always remember you once you are gone, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing". Adios!