Bachelor's Thesis vs. Germany Trip

The so-called Bachelor's Thesis

I was motionlessly staring at the ceiling of the building, glancing awhile at the empty air, then staring back at the ceiling. Smiling from ear to ear, then frowning like one of  the guys from that Grumpy Old Men film for a moment, then smiling as widely as before again, then continued my thoughtful frowning back again.

That fatuous moment happened for almost half an hour. I was drowning in a deep reflective contemplation.

I have just submitted my bachelor's thesis earlier and simultaneously decided to give up all efforts to make it to Germany next week for an international student event in which I have luckily got selected among thousands of people to attend.

Those mixed feelings I have not been experienced for so long have eventually filled up the heart again. Those feelings which arise when the overwhelming relief and sadness choose your life as their meeting point. I'm sad and relieved at the same time. I'm 'slieved'! (don't bother to check the dictionary, it's my own vocabulary).

I'm relieved because such an energy-consuming and mental-excruciating anguish has finally come to its end. I'm sad because I over-estimated my capacity, overly confident that I could manage my time to succeed  in both my academic and non-academic undertakings throughout this particular semester. It seemed like I am winning the battle at the beginning, but I'm not. In fact, I'm completely losing it without even having the slightest realization about it. The bachelor's thesis won the battle alone.

Another thing is submitting my bachelor's thesis doesn't mean I'll be graduating this year. I'm still gonna have internship and some compulsory subjects to be taken in one (hopefully the last) whole semester. The fact that my campus has changed the minimum study duration up to 7 semesters made the feelings even worse. The suffer shall continue, soldier.

But wait, cancelling my trip to Germany this time doesn't mean my seemingly-impossible dream to visit another European country wouldn't come into reality this year, right? Having one more semester to be accomplished could also mean I'm actually granted an extension of time to achieve what I have not been able to achieve yet, couldn't it? The other bright side is I finally came to realize how I have got much better at prioritizing things now.

That's it. I'm being given a longer time to improve my CGPA so that I could go to my dream universities for my further studies. A longer period to look for scholarships to step my feet on the famously breathtaking land of Europe. Another chance to right my wrongs, to achieve the ultimate goals of my life. For that, I shall not lose my faith. For that, these mixed feelings shall be remedied before they generate more severe wounds.

That's it. I saw this wrongly before. God is actually granting me another opportunities. Chances that I should never ignore.

Yes, that's right, I'm still winning this battle.

The dejected gentleman who is still continuing his struggle to win the battle.